If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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