Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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