I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
