There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Randomize
