K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
