My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
