sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
