There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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