Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
