Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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