Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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