Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
