hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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