i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
