There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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