do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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