my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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