remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
