During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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