I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
