Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
