I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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