he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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