I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
