uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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