I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is Oprah even human
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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