1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
