You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
