did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And then my night got REAL pukey
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
