How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
