porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
