I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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