I puked a lego.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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