I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
