i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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