I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Randomize
