Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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