Can i not drive my cunt home
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
