my soul wont recognize me after tonight
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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