Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
