How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
