I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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