She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
