she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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