You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
