dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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