i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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