dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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