Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
