I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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