Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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