She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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