white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
