he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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