her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just high enough for therapy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
