I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
