I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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