I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
