Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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