Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Farmville is her only friend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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