apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
