Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
