So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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