I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
