I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
