He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im six kinds of drunk right now
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have surprise drugs for everyone
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think my moral compass just broke
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