I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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